I have been in Cornwall for a week. A week of doing very little in the company of all my children and I have to say that it was in every way delightful. We had multiple simultaneous Scrabble tournaments going on (99% of them won by my younger son Max who has an uncanny ability to do ridiculously high scoring things with just a couple of O’s and an X) and long games of Star Wars monopoly which we found on a shelf (i). There was also heartiness in the form of long walks along Frenchman’s Creek and the coast path, fish and chips on the dock at Coverack, crab sandwiches and ice cream at Roskillys.
We rented a very snappy house next to an art gallery where I did the garden. If you have the inclination to go to Cornwall then I cannot recommend it highly enough. Details here.
End of Kernow Kommercial break. What else can I bore you with? Moustaches are occupying my mind at the moment. As regular readers will have gathered I (and many others) am growing a moustache for November. I am doing this in company of about sixty other gardeners (many of whom are female which is going to be interesting)in order to raise funds for research into prostate cancer. It is very distracting growing facial hair: one finds oneself stroking it in wonder for much of the time. It is a surprise every time you touch your chin to find in no longer smooth and pliant but spiky and rough (but at the same time silky). Part horrible, part fascinating. Very disconcerting. At the moment I am growing a full set of everything with the idea that it will be whittled down at some point over the next couple of weeks. We are raising some decent money though, over £4,000 so far. If you want to give money go here, or, if you just want to gawp at silly pictures go here.
I have also been to London to film this:
We realised that our public was baying for a new Three Men film so convened on Cleve’s allotment to enjoy the drizzle. There is another short film to come very soon.
And now, Ladies and Gentleman, hold onto your hats and grasp the bannisters firmly because……am going to write a bit about gardening. This week we started planting a walled garden we have made. I have mentioned this before but to recap: once upon a time this area of the garden was bordered by one hundred and fifty two very tall leylandii and contained a tumbledown shed, some old sycamores and a collection of very unattractive dog kennels. We have cleared it, surrounded it with drystone walls, put in a very handsome greenhouse and built two sets of steps (one incorporating a tinkly rill). The beds are marked out in spirals-which I think is more interesting that conventionally dull squares and will consist of about fifty percent fruit and vegetables and fifty percent flarze and ornamentals.
The flowery bits I have no problem with, for the fruit I threw myself upon the mercies of my bearded friend Mark Diacono. He is a bit of a novice in these matters but I thought it would be charitable to give the chap a chance. He is, after all, just a rough Devonian more used to ploughing barefoot and drinking cider in hedgerows. This is his list…. (all available, I believe, from Otter Farm)
Peach Fans Nectarine Fans Apricot Fans Morello Cherry Fans Quince Fans
Whitecurrant Fans Milwall Fans Redcurrant Fans Blackberry Fans Plum Fans
Figs Apple Espaliers Double Us Grape Vines Stepovers Asparagus
Pear Cordons Plum Cordons Blackcurrant Standards Gooseberry Standards
Strawberries Summer Raspberries Autumn Raspberries Alpine Strawberries Blueberries
Yacon Oca Rhubarb Globe Artichokes Asparagus (ii)
And this is him wandering around spreading the love, I had to keep a stern eye on him as he occasionally went off piste and starting spreading rhubarb where there should be roses and eyeing up beds I had earmarked for tulips as a good place to mass sow kohlrabi or coriander. In order to keep listomaniacs happy this is my tulip list (for cutting).
Tulip Spring Green T.Philip de Comines T.Ballerina
T.Burgundy T. Jacqueline T.Violet queen
T.Gavota T.Cassini
I anybody asks nicely I will furnish other lists as they manifest themselves.
This is a really very wonderful project, one of the most entertaining I have ever done. I will, if I may, return to the subject as the seasons progress. I will, in particular, draw attention to any of Diacono’s trees that have keeled over as, judging on past performance at Otter Farm, killing plants is what he does best.
The picture is of a bit of handsome Cornish chain. I am listening to Traffic Boom by Piero Piccioni from the Big Lebowski Soundtrack
(i) Star Wars Monopoly is not a good idea not only because it is a slight abomination in itself but also because it is very difficult to tell which property is which. Of course I now cannot remember what any of them were so have no evidence to back up my claim. Just take it from me: it ain’t right. Like flavoured fudge (qv passim)
(ii) Just to keep you on your toes….
Ooo am loving the look of this garden – it’s going to be gorgeous. That’s all really.
Sarah, that is enough, probably.
Thank you.
I think it will be good if all goes to plan.
And Diacono doesn’t mess it up.
I remember killing an apricot tree by stepping back to check the shape mid prune, getting brambles twined round one leg, then falling slap bang into my precious tree and destroying it. Have yet to bring myself to but a replacement.
Not that I’ll be doing much outside for the near future. Managed to fracture my ankle in a bizarre walking down the front path in the dark accident. Leg in plaster until just before Christmas, so I’m stuck on the top floor of the house, with the lovely Howard doing everything in the house and outside. While he was out running errands for me on Saturday, I was writing out step by step instructions for the garden tasks I usually do – mainly propagation and pruning. Realised why I did these, and not him, a graphic designer by day. The kitchen scale was used to ensure the bulb compost mix was correct, and a measuring tape whipped out for the pruning.
Mind you, how can I complain when he willingly bought me the shade of nail enamel I put on the shopping list?
Speaking of shopping lists, on putting Our Plot in my Amazon basket, I started getting macho, gritty crime novels in my recommendations because of it? What will happen if I actually buy it?
If you are going to kill something than it is best to do it in a comedy moment.
i hope you had a loved one nearby to laugh uproariously one moment and then feel suddenly guilty and rush forward sympathetically while trying to suppress the giggles.
This scenario is probably not appropriate for your ankle breaking incident. Sorry for your incapacity although you could probably get use to issuing directives.
It is a little known fact that, although this is his first garden book, Cleve has written a series of novels under a variety of nom de plumes. His best selling work was “Under The Midnight Sun”, a tale of seduction and violence set in a strawberry farm in the West Midlands. He also wrote “Home Before Tuesday” which was a sordid romance whose details are too upsetting to retell in polite company.
Blimey! That’s quite some garden. I suppose you drew the spiral by tying a string around the glasshouse and unwinding?
That and a length of warm hosepipe.
The walled garden looks absolutely superb. I have a slight concern however with your choice of fan trained fruit trees. You probably know which one I am referring to. In my limited sporting experience you only need one Millwall Fan anywhere to creat discord. Best to stick with Bournemouth (cherries) or Blackpool (tangerines)
Possibly not as much as Bristol City (The Zyderheads) once they get going.
Hilarious as only a Brit can write. I was transplanted to the USA over 15 years ago and sometimes forget the dry wit.(I’ve had to attempt to tone mine down for fear of deportation).
Anyway, great blog. What did you use as a border edging between the soil and the gravel paths?
Hullo. How kind of you to drop by. Please make yourself comfortable and help yourself to cheese.
The edgings are steel, welded together on site.
Like this.
Lovely looking garden. Please do share further photos as to its progress in the coming year. Is this the garden that has that rather clever wheelbarrow access feature along the steps? Very clever.
Thank you. Will do. Yes it is that garden although I had a complaint from the gardener because I had not made a ramp big enough for a Quad bike and trailer!
Wonderful walled garden and greenhouse. We have one brave peach tree standing solo (on a hilltop! in Wales!) and no lovely walls upon which to train fans (particularly Milwall ones); our apple espaliers and pear cordons are having to take their chances without such balmy protection.
I now have huge spiral garden envy… and a rill! *sigh*
Look forward to its progress.
Sara
That garden is going to be stunning – I am so jealous. I love the walls. they are building a new walled garden at east Ruston, but the red brick looks too new and I want it to age NOW.
I miss Cornwall. We used to rent a NT property every year because my son wanted to be a beach bum and so that we could keep an eye on an aged great aunt in Feock. Which is all very well but sea for beach bums and sea for mummies to swim in isn’t the same creature. I managed to console myself with afternoon teas and trips around art galleries, though.
Yes, what are those paths edged with? Many of the ones here are edged with strips of aluminium, which works very well but it must have been expensive.
Looks great! And just a wee shout out to Selina Edwards too!
As always.
Hello – I am just off to see a famous moss garden. In order to prove worthy we have to do 2 hours calligraphy and Buddhist chanting first to gain admission. Remembering your 3 men episode from last years Chelsea, when they ask me what I think of the garden I will be sure to say “it’s a bit mossy…”
That sounds like an exam: the garden better be worth it, with extremely good cake.
Hope you are having a marvellous time. Our moustaches are missing you.
Wowzer. And I thought you were a professional court jester and psychobabbler…
You forget that I am also a skilled hypnotist. It is all a mirage, you will soon wake up and remember nothing…..